15 ways to curb your spending this Christmas


For us as Christians, Christmas remains about Christ.

It is a time to reflect and rejoice that Jesus Christ took on flesh and forever lives in Heaven having overcome hell, death and the grave for us.

He is the main character of the Christmas story. The gift of Christmas is Christ himself.

In our consumerist society, Christmas has become about many other things; peripheral stuff that matters very little in the greater scheme of things.

Christmas is now about parties, expensive gifts and outdoing friends and family with decorations and holidays.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with family, decorating the house for Christmas, giving gifts and going on holiday.

But, there is a shift in focus that needs to take place for us to truly see the meaning of Christmas.

One shift we can make is to curb Christmas spending, so we keep the focus on Christ and glorify him the right way.

Is it worth starting the New Year broke and in deep debt that takes us the first quarter of the next year to crawl our way out?

15 Ways to Curb Your Christmas Spending

  1. If you are a spend thrift, get a family member or friend to be your partner in helping you to control your spending. It’s all about creating a new perspective.
  2. Do not spend endless days at the shopping centre searching for the perfect gift. You spend more that way and get taken in by all that is on offer.
  3. Make a list of people you have to buy gifts for with a budget amount and stick to the budget. Dave Ramsey has a great resource for a Christmas budget: http://www.daveramsey.com
  4. Tell your family and friends that time spent together, including Christmas day is about them and the relationships, and ask everyone to bring and share. I guarantee no one will be offended, and all will be happy to participate.
  5. Look for deals, and online shopping discount days. You will save and still buy great gifts.
  6. Holidays don’t have to cost you your whole bonus. Eating in is cheaper than eating out, and a whole lot healthier. If you are sharing a holiday with another family, have a roster for meals and clean up. Make it fun by doing simple meals where kids can help cook. You will be teaching them while having fun and building quality time together.
  7. Remember, a bargain is not a bargain unless you really needed and wanted it before you saw it on the shelf. Walk away, think twice and then decide. Impulse buying will blow the budget more than you think.
  8. Come home from shopping and list all you spent on food, entertainment or gifts. If it was too much and above budget, decide to cut back on tomorrow’s expenses by having a stay home day or a picnic in the park.
  9. Stop feeling guilty about not spending money! Your family wants you, your time, your input, and your love, not your money. It’s a change of focus. You cannot buy their love with expensive gifts and goodies. They need you.
  10. Recognize when you are impulse shopping to fill a void or a need inside. Just like compulsive eating is trying to fill a need the wrong way, compulsive spending is doing the same thing. Stop doing it!
  11. A good way to curb spending is to ask yourself whether this spend is worth the investment of your money or whether you are prepared to make this trade– your hard earned money for this expenditure. This works well for restaurants and gifts!
  12. Be generous! Sow into someone’s life that could not repay you. You will be surprised at how blessed you feel. Give something away when you buy something new. This keeps the cycle going and prevents hoarding.
  13. Be grateful for all you have. Stop, look around you, look at your life, count your blessings and do this with your family too. This stops the furious desire to obtain more at this time of year.
  14. Ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” “Does my child really need this?” “Will it enrich my life?”
  15. Ask yourself, “Is it still all about the Father and his gift of Christ to us?” or has it become about all the other things to the exclusion of glorifying Christ.

How do you need to simplify to change your focus this Christmas?

Preach the gospel to yourself

Preach the gospel to yourself
Preach the gospel to yourself

It was Jerry Bridges, who passed away recently, whose book taught me: preach the Gospel to yourself every day. [The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges].

You may be like I was as a young Christian; continually questioning whether I measured up to God’s standards for holiness, and whether I would make it into Heaven.

I did not realise that my Christian walk relied on Christ and his sacrifice, not on my performance as a Christian!

Yes, we must acknowledge our sin, but we relate to God through the blood and righteousness of Christ, not through our own merits.

Wow, what a change and relief when I found that out!

Bobbie Carlyle sculpted a statue of a man called ‘Self Made Man’. The vision of ‘Self Made Man’ is a man carving himself out of stone, carving his own character, carving his own future.

Bobbie Carlyle: Self Made Man


This is often reminiscent of us as Christians.

We want to carve out our own lives. We take what we think are the tools of spiritual transformation into our own hands and try to sculpt ourselves into Christian specimens.

 However, spiritual transformation is the work of the Holy Spirit.

He is the Master Sculptor.

 It means you believe He forgave you all your sins (Col 2:13) and now “[presents] you holy and blameless and above reproach before him”, (Col 1:22 ESV).

But, note: the discipline of being a disciple of Christ requires continuous, robust effort on our part. We must not be lazy, apathetic or halfheartedly committed. We must have no indifferent attitude towards sin!

Consider two different days in your life:

  • Day One- Good one spiritually: You have an opportunity to share the gospel with someone
  • Day Two- Bad one spiritually: You have the opportunity to share the gospel with someone

Would you feel more confident on day one than on day two?

If you choose day one, this reveals your reliance on works for your salvation rather than on God’s grace in Christ.

God’s blessing does not depend on our performance, but on His grace in our lives.

“Any time we bask in God’s mercy and grace is our highest moment, higher than when we feel good about our great performance and cannot think of anything we need to confess” (Jerry Bridges).

Remember Gal 6:14: But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

 Are we willing to rely on God’s grace alone, instead of our performance, to boast in nothing except the Cross? If so, we can stop living in our good day/bad day scenarios and bask every day in the grace of God!

You see, preaching the gospel to myself, as a believer, means I remind myself daily to rely on Christ’s sacrifice, not on anything I can do.

Remember this as you preach the gospel to yourself every day:

  1. My salvation is through Christ’s sacrifice for my sin
  2. I live in the grace of God
  3. My performance does not change the grace of God
  4. God has forgiven my sin
  5. I am able to look forward to my walk with God every day because of Christ.

Let’s remember the sculpture of Self Made Man, and make sure we not engaging in a self-help, self making of our Christian lives!

What else engages us in preaching the gospel to ourselves? Please comment below.


Jerry Bridges, The Discipline of Grace (1994), Navpress.








How do we forgive when we don’t want to?

Do you find it difficult to forgive? You are not alone, most of us do.

woman, rock, water-1082056_1920

It’s easy to forgive the person who steps on your toe in the elevator.  What about the person who shaped your life by their abuse when you were a child. What of the husband who cheated on you, thus ruining your dreams of a happy marriage?

One balmy summer evening recently hubby and I were walking in our neighborhood with the dogs. Rather the dogs were walking us, I caught the heady scent of pine from the huge trees down our street.

The fragrance released by the warm temperature hung thickly in the air. As we passed underneath the trees I breathed in deeply, my senses alive with enjoyment from this delightful aroma.

I thought of how the heat in our lives brings out the fragrance that is within. Is it a wonderful scent or the stench of years of bitterness resulting from unforgiveness?

The pleasant fragrance from our lives is that of good works, like forgiveness.

Forgiveness seems to be so hard for us, and yet it is the requirement for God forgiving us.

Forgiveness is a grace that sets us free.

 In a research survey, 80% of people interviewed said they had learned from their parents how and when it is appropriate to forgive. Natalie responded in one of these interviews that her mom never apologised or asked for forgiveness and she was the same way.

Muner, Maisy; My Research Paper- Forgiveness. (http://forgivenn.weebly.com/my-research-paper.html)

 We are obligated to learn the grace of forgiveness for the sake of our children and grandchildren, as well as for our own salvation.

How Can we Forgive?

 C.S. Lewis said: “Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night ‘forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.”

S. Lewis,The Weight of Glory(New York: Harper Collins, 2001; Originally published 1949), 181-183.

God wants to save us from ourselves, from the weight that unforgiveness adds to our souls.

Here are 8 signs that show we need to forgive:

  • When we can’t think about the person without strong negative emotion
  • When we lie awake at night thinking of revenge or self-defense
  • When we rehearse the incidents relating to this person over in our head
  • When we know the feelings are so deep down we stop ourselves from going there
  • When we treat others badly
  • When we won’t get close to anyone and we won’t let them close to us
  • When we have more negative emotions in a day than positive
  • When we are depressed about the past

The secret to freedom is to forgive.

It is the grace of God, working in our life that empowers us to truly forgive.

We may also need a friend, a counselor, or a pastor to help us see perspective and to pray with us as we let go.

How Do We Forgive?

  1. Recall the goodness of God and how He has forgiven us
  2. Pray a prayer: “Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive (and insert the person/s name here) ___________ who has trespassed against me (Matt 6:12).
  3. Write a letter to the person who has offended you pouring out all your emotions and keep writing till the emotion is spent. Then write across the letter, “DEBT PAID IN FULL”, and tear it up
  4. In your thoughts, refuse to dwell on the person’s deed towards you, and keep bringing your thoughts back to these 3 previous actions you have taken
  5. Finally, refuse to speak badly of the person, to gossip or to say caustic remarks about them.

All these points will aid in pressing the reset button in your heart towards God and towards your hurt.

You may have heard of the story of the little girl examining at her grandmother’s quilt she is stitching. She asks why the threads are all hanging loose, making the quilt look ugly and unfinished.

Granny turns the quilt over, to show her the finished side and tenderly replies that the little girl is looking at the quilt from the wrong side, as the other side is quite beautiful!

God is looking at the finished side of the quilt of our lives, already seeing the beauty of a life lived fully by the finished work of the cross applied to our lives as Christians, and forgiving others as we are forgiven is a massive part of that!

Question: What else has helped you to forgive?

How you can show compassion for the hurting

How you can show compassion for the hurting

The gift of compassion is a wondrous thing.

God wants us to be compassionate towards people. He wants us to help those who are hurting.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph 4:32).

Have you ever tried to share a hurt with someone only to have it minimized by their dispassionate, flippant, thoughtless reply?

It doesn’t feel good, does it? So, don’t do it to others.

However, we do not have to be strong in a mercy gift to show compassion for someone. Just think how you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed, and act accordingly.

This is the golden rule:

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you (Matt 7:12a, NIV).

We can all learn compassion.

Having been a pastor for many years, I have noticed that church people struggle with showing compassion. It does not come naturally to all.

In times of difficulty, we all need compassion, even when we are to blame for our situation or have made a mistake costing us dearly.

How difficult it seems to be for people to show compassion to others without including their own suffering. Someone shares a hurt with you and you are already off telling them how you suffered before their sentence is even finished.

No, that is not compassion!

To listen patiently is compassion.

To feel deeply for another person is compassion.

To express this deep feeling as empathy means you would say something like:

“I don’t know what to say, but I am here for you”.

“I can’t imagine how this feels, and I am hearing you”.

My definition of compassion would be: to truly see someone in their suffering.

How do we comfort others?

How do we show compassion or mercy to those who are hurting?

Here are 10 ways to express comfort:

  1. Be present
  2. Do not think you have to know what to say
  3. Do not use trite phrases
  4. Put yourself in their place
  5. Show your heart
  6. Say caring words
  7. Sometimes say nothing at all
  8. Keep showing up
  9. Think of practical, kind things to do
  10. Do not ignore the person or the situation

When my daughter was experiencing infertility and mourning over lost pregnancies, she often commented on the crazy things people said to her.

Be aware of unthinking, uncaring and judgmental statements.

Weigh your words well.

You can even practice on a friend or a spouse before you go to make that compassionate visit to a cancer sufferer. Rehearse what you can say that will be profitable and caring.

People who are in need of comfort do not want to hear your ‘good advice’

or empty words of platitudes such as ‘God only takes the good ones’

or ‘you must be very special for God to allow you to suffer’, etc.

Face it; you really don’t know what the hurting person is experiencing inside.

You may even have been through the same kind of suffering, such as losing a loved one, but you don’t know how that person is feeling inside.

You only know how you felt inside at the time.

For you to show compassion and for it to be felt and experienced by the other party, you have to be fully present in the conversation.

Be really there, focused in body and mind on what they are saying.

This is the greatest gift you can give another human being. Your attention, your time, your focus on that person and their suffering brings relief to their aloneness.

It expands my world to know someone has heard me. I am not alone. You may not be able to relieve my suffering, but I am not alone.

How have you felt compassion shown or not shown to you when you have been in need and how has it made you feel?

Leave a comment and join the conversation.





Musings About Mothers
Musings About Mothers

Mothers are Not Perfect

 but they are ‘mom-azing, mom-derful, and mom-some’.

I thought I would write a few thoughts about mothers since we have just celebrated mother’s day.

Mothers are not Born they are Made.

They are made in the furnace of adversity, and in the melting first look at your baby. They are made in the faithfulness of the night watch over a sick child and in the joy of a child’s response, no matter how small.

Proverbs outlines the character of this wise mother:

 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; (Prov 31:25-28a ESV).

The real life of mothering a child molds a woman into another kind of human being altogether, still fragile, still weak, still human, but wonderfully tough and resilient and willing to fight for her child.

Sure, there are some young or wounded women who are so damaged and hurt they cannot look beyond themselves to see the life of this precious little soul they have brought into the world.

But, most mothers become moms the moment they encounter the fragile life of a child.

Some women are so nurturing they take on others’ rejected children to love and care for; thank God for them!

Mothers are special kinds of human beings.

They see more deeply, feel more deeply through the child they bare.

Jesus’ mother, Mary was at the cross when all the disciples had fled, her fear overcome by her mother’s heart of love and grief for her son.

Ravi Zacharias, the apologist, speaks highly of his mother’s tenacity in sitting by the bedside of his dying brother when everyone else had given up on him, even the rest of the family, and her love seeing him restored to health.

My own family has a rich history of many generations of caring mothers, caring for the souls of their children, and fighting the fight in prayer for their children.

My great-grandmother was one of them.

I have in my possession a letter written to her children (she had 8) a few years before she died. She gives her testimony, and adds at the end, “I have prayed that I will see all my children in heaven”.

My maternal grandmother was her oldest child.

When her mom died she had not yet seen the fulfillment of that prayer. My grandmother lived her own kind of life for many years, only coming to repentance and faith in Christ in her 60’s after an accident that left her debilitated. I know this because she too wrote a letter, to me, from the old age village where she lived, speaking of her love for Christ.

My own mother was another woman who fought for her children. Born with a heart defect, her life expectancy was 18 years. When she was still alive at age 21 and engaged to be married to my father, doctors performed the first ever open-heart surgery in South Africa on an adult to correct this particular defect. (My mom is 83, and strong and healthy today). She wanted children and courageously, 2 years after her major surgery, I was born, pretty uneventfully.

Little did she know that a defining event a year later would rock her world as a mother and define mine for the rest of my life. At 1 year of age, I was burned rather badly and hospitalized in a small missionary hospital in Swaziland, where we lived.

The doctors gave my parents bad news that I was not responding to treatment for infection, and they went home to pray, calling all their friends to a prayer meeting that night. My mom fought for me, in prayer, and I was soon on the way to recovery.

A generation later, and I well remember the fight for my own daughters as if it were yesterday. I have experienced earth-shattering news on a few occasions, but the worst was with regards to separate incidents that happened to each my two daughters while they were growing up.

The fight for their survival was harsh, and at times soul destroying, but it turned out to God’s glory. I remember my heart and mind kicking into a new gear. A shout rose up from deep inside, a shout that said we would win! It was the shout of faith in God.

As a mother, I have stood before God and cried, mourned, prayed, shouted the victory in faith, given sacrifices of praise. I have held on sometimes by seeing a little spark of light in the distant darkness, but I have held on. And you do that as a mother, that’s what you do.

You don’t give up; you fight the good fight of faith. You intercede, you pray for your children. You refuse any other voice rising in your mind.

I watch my daughters in their own fight for their children. They laugh, they cry, and all the deep, dark emotions are mixed up with the happy, light ones in the pursuit of motherhood.

One of my daughters had a five-year struggle with infertility. I watched her struggle and stood by helplessly, and finally two beautiful babies. I have watched my other daughter weather the news of unexpected difficulties and make the adjustments because she is a mother.

You believe God and his word for you as a family.

After all, you are a mother.









Workaholism: A Life out of Balance


Workaholism: A Life out of Balance
Workaholism: A Life out of Balance

Workaholism: is it a life out of balance or a prerequisite of success in modern society?

workaholic is a person who works compulsively. While the term generally implies that the person enjoys their work, it can also imply that they simply feel compelled to do it.

I find it difficult to switch off to work, any kind of work. Just one more task, one more project, one more thing…

How about you?

Workaholism seems to be a trend on the increase among women today. And by the way, you do not have to be out at work to be a workaholic. Women in the home can hide behind work too.

Barbara Killinger, PhD says: “I defined a workaholic as a work-obsessed individual who gradually becomes emotionally crippled and addicted to power and control in a compulsive drive to gain approval and public recognition of success. These driven men and women live a Gerbil-wheel, adrenalin-pumping existence rushing from plan A to B, narrowly-fixated on some ambitious goal or accomplishment. Eventually, nothing or no one else really matters.”


Workaholism May be a Symptom of a Deeper Problem.

It is a fact that workaholics are not more productive than non-workaholics, but they do burn out faster!

Loren Stein, M.A. says, “Here’s a rule of thumb: Can you enjoy life and feel energetic and purposeful when you’re not at work? If the answer is no, you may be in the danger zone. Since workaholics get high from the fix of deadlines, long hours, and single-minded focus on work, other parts of their lives tend to fall by the wayside.”


Perfectionism in the workplace or business is a need for control.

It is also a cover up.

Cover make up works for a while to cover blemishes and scars, but the advertising is hollow. When you remove it you see the imperfection highlighted all the more by the harsh light of reality.

Many women in the workplace are finding themselves prone to workaholism to prove themselves in a competitive marketplace or to be seen to be ‘good enough’ to break through the glass ceiling.

Ask yourself: What basic needs am I covering up with my workaholism and desire for perfection?

Workaholism will affect, and may even destroy your health, your family and your life!

The point is, we are called to many vocations (callings), the calling to family, the calling to workplace or business, the calling to church, the calling to community, etc.

To raise one calling above another and pour all one’s affections, attention and energies into only one calling is sinful. It is the sin of omission, which neglects the other callings God has given you in favor of the one that meets your needs or covers up your deep longings.

Rescue those who are being taken away to death;
    hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
   If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”
    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
    and will he not repay man according to his work? (Prov 24:11-12, ESV).

 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.(James 4:17, ESV).

According to these scriptures, if we know to do something good and do not do it, it is still sin.

I am sure you have heard the old saying that no one on their deathbed ever wished they had spent more time at the office.

 They always wish that they spent more time building family relationships.

Our capitalistic society and workplace is a black hole! It will suck you in if you allow it. It may even be the Burmuda triangle, just waiting to pull you in and not let go. We are greedy for more, and so the workplace is greedy for more of your time, your effort and expenditure.

God’s mission for us is to fulfil all of our callings, without feeling the pull of one over the other.

The emotional cover up versus the emotional exposure of relationship building that is needed in the home may be the reason why workaholics will spend their time willingly at the office at the expense of family time.

It is easy to hide one’s true self and mask one’s emotions under a pile of work!

Family will let you know they are unhappy with your workaholism through subtle whispers or perhaps loud shouts of discontent.

Do not lose your family due to this ungodly practice!

Listen out for the telltale signs in conversation with others close to you. At first the little signs will be there, but once they stop talking, you are in deeper trouble, leading to relationship breakdown:

  • Behavioral problems with your kids-acting out, etc
  • Inability to connect at an intimate level with your spouse
  • Your spouse has stopped talking to you
  • Breakdown of meaningful conversations with those close to you
  • A constant nagging inside that this is not all there is
  • A lack of desire to go home, as things there are ‘not good’

What is the difference between a hard worker and a work addict? The difference lies in the feeling of fulfillment. A hard worker will relish work and feel good about achieving goals and projects. A workaholic will do the work, but resent others who do not work as hard or as many hours. They feel that no one else works as hard as they do, and have an air of superiority that no one else can match up.

And therein lies the biggest problem.

No one can match up to this perfectionism in the form of workaholism!

Thus over time, the workaholic becomes isolated inside and outside. They feel a sense of alienation from the rest of the world. They isolate themselves from others even in the workplace, and are not the best people to have on your team.

Anger and fear are two really strong operative emotions in the life of the workaholic.

Fear in the workaholic of work being taken away, and anger in the family at the lack or loss of time and affection and attentiveness towards the family.

Researchers came up with the Bergen Work Addiction Scale (BWAS) taken from tests for addictions. ‘If you have to admit that at least four of these statements sounds like you “often” or “always,” the researchers suggest you might want to stop laughing about your overwork and consider intervention.

  • You think of how you can free up more time to work.
  • You spend much more time working than initially intended.
  • You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness, or depression.
  • You have been told by others to cut down on work but you don’t listen.
  • You become stressed if you are prohibited from working.
  • You de-prioritize hobbies, leisure activities, or exercise because of your work.
  • You work so much that it has negatively affected your health.’


There is nice quiz for you to take at 20-signs-you-might-be-a-workaholic-and-what-to-do-about-it.

The Results in Health Damage and Loss of Family Closeness

“A workaholic will die faster than an alcoholic any day,” says Diane Fassel, PhD, an organizational consultant in Boulder, Colorado, and author of Working Ourselves to Death.


Burnout, depression and serious health breakdowns are the price to pay for working ourselves ‘to death’.

What Should Family Members do?

Respectfully and non confrontationally approach your workaholic loved one. Tell them how what they are doing affects you. Use “I” not “you” language, and let them know how much you love them and want them to be close to you; how you understand they may find it difficult not to work all the time, but that you as a family need them too. They may not respond with favorable changes, but they have at least understood this to be behavior that needs attention.

What Should the Workaholic do?

You must confront this addiction head on. You are going to need to ask for help from someone else to see your life as you can’t see it, as work addiction and work dependency is a blind spot. See a counselor, pastor, therapist or coach, but deal with it you must, before it destroys your health, family and every other calling in your life.

Many people have said they needed to admit they are addicted to work, and seek help from an outside source to gain clarity on the way forward, as habits are difficult to change and default is close to the reset button.

I would love to hear your thoughts on today’s blog on workaholism.

Do you think workaholism is becoming a bigger problem amongst women leaders today? Why or why not?

Leave a comment on the blog or hit ‘reply’ to connect with me.




The Secret of Dealing with Grief and Loneliness

The Secret of Dealing with Grief and Loneliness
The Secret of Dealing with Grief and Loneliness

Grief comes to all of us.

Grief is an intense sorrow or something that causes keen distress or suffering.

This is the stuff of life. We will all have grief over loss that we suffer.

There is the feeling of losing something dear when change happens, when a loved one dies, when we move, when a season of life comes to an end, or when a relationship dies.

Grief carries with it the pain of loss. Loss of life, loss of the familiar, loss of dreams.

We want to know life as it was before the loss happened. We want to continue as normal. We don’t know if we will ever be happy again. And then, in the middle of it all, there is the loneliness.

Loneliness is a painful feature of grief

In her book, The Path of Loneliness, Elizabeth Elliot says:

The pain of loneliness is one way in which He (that is, God) wants to get our attention (for) our hearts are lonely till they rest in Him who made us for Himself.

Loneliness is a hurdle of grief, especially when you are grieving the loss of close family.

Elizabeth Elliot who lost her first husband to martyrdom on the mission field, and her second to cancer, says:

Our loneliness cannot always be fixed, but it can always be accepted as the very will of God for now and that it turns into something beautiful.

Consider the musings of Job in his grief, “My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me” (Job 17:1, ESV).

At the end of the book of Job, he eventually comes to know that whatever had happened to him would work out for his benefit, for our benefit. As Romans 8:28 assures us,And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, ]for those who are called according to his purpose”(ESV).

Job is able to say to God, “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2).

Consider also the words of the man of sorrows who was well acquainted with grief: ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ and know that because he was forsaken, because he took on our sin on himself, and the Father turned his back on Jesus for a moment of time, we are NOT forsaken. No, never!

Not forsaken in our grief, not forsaken in our loneliness, for we know that God is for us, God is with us, God is in us.

God is with you in your grief, in your loneliness. He is the one who wants you to rest in Him who made you for himself.

May I add, let’s remember those among us who grieve, and keep reaching out to them. They need you to remember, to identify with their pain, not to ignore their grief, or make light of it with ‘feel better’ statements.

How are you able to see Christ in your grief and loneliness?


Let the Called Women Preach!

Let Women Preach!
Let Women Preach!

I believe women should preach.

I believe women should preach and teach provided they teach truth, just as a man should teach biblical truth.

I believe that if you do not expose your people to women in the pulpit they will not be rounded in their exposure to biblical truth as women have a different perspective or way of putting across truth.

I am neither a complementarian nor a feminist.

I believe in biblical, New Testament ministry.

I believe that it can be dangerous for a congregation to only be exposed to a man preaching and teaching if that man has a deep rooted problem with half of his congregation, that is, the women.

If he is a chauvinist or a mysogynist his congregation is catching measles while he is preaching mumps, if he has the measles. He will communicate his heart in the pulpit whether he wants to or not.

His jokes, his teasing in the pulpit will be subtly aimed at putting down women and this will anger the strong women, even cause them to leave the church. There must be a healthy balance that checks the pastors’ motives too.

Women are excelling in the workplace and the marketplace today. If they enter a church that puts women down, and I am not talking about unhealthy ambition, but calling, they will not stay.

There are women with gifts and callings to serve the church in upfront ministry.

The unfortunate thing is that these women are not encouraged to develop as men are and thus kept suppressed and immature in their gift, thus when they do get to preach or are exposed to public scrutiny they have not been mentored and developed as the men are, and they easily fail or fall prey to emotionalism or prophetic indulgences.

Yes, women are the equals of men in the church according to Galatians 3:28. They can and should operate in their gifts and callings, just as the men should.

Yes, they can be pushy, but then, men can be too.

Yes, they can operate in the flesh and draw people to themselves, but so can men.

Yes, they can rebel or be prideful, but so do men, all the time.

I say, take the strong, gifted, called women and train them, mentor and coach them, take them under your wing, Pastor and guide them.

 They will be forever grateful, for being tutored, for being seen as worthy, for being honored as worthy of your time and effort.

They are a mighty workforce in the church. They are loyal and committed. You will have an army of loyal soldiers, willing to go to battle with you and willing to give their lives.

But don’t put them down with sly jokes against women and subtle innuendos about their weakness, nagging or emotions. You have just lost half your congregation, man of God!

If a woman is called to preach, she is called to ministry to the body of Christ. Women’s ministry is only one part of the body. The whole body is all the members, functioning together. Let them hear the word of God expounded by well trained, well equipped, women with sound bible knowledge and understanding.

That is your job, Pastor to recognise, acknowledge, and equip such women. Believe me, they will take it seriously!

Comment on this blog post and join the conversation!


10 Life Lessons I Want my Daughters to Remember

10 Life Lessons I Want my Daughters to Remember
10 Life Lessons I want My Daughters to Remember

Now they are all grown up and are wives and mothers themselves, I want my daughters to remember some life lessons I have learned:

1. You will make mistakes– I made mistakes as a mother and so will you. Learn to live with a life that is not perfect, but do the very best you can, repeatedly, every day.

2. Remember whose you are– Never let any one of your roles as wife, mother or woman-at-work define you. You are greater than any of those roles you play, you are a woman of God firstly and will always be, long after your children are grown and even after your spouse dies, and your work changes.

3. Always build for the long term– Don’t throw away all you have built into your character for a current, flash-in-the-pan, instant gratification episode, no matter what it is or how tempting it may seem. Keep eternity in mind in your daily actions.

4. Develop resilience– Life will throw you curve balls- learn to be resilient enough to play them. Resilience is the stuff of the strong women of the Bible. Bounce back from hurt, bounce back from defeat, bounce back from pain; you are worth it.

5. Keep reinventing yourself– you can do lots of things – you are creative, multitalented and ever able to keep growing in skills. Never put self-limiting thoughts between yourself and the future. You are up to the challenge. See your life as an unfinished painting, a masterpiece in the making.

6. Regrets may be unavoidable– but hold them with an open hand and allow them to blow away like leaves in the wind. Regrets may be the greatest teaching tools in our lives, and the best guides to staying on the narrow path, having to trust in God’s grace rather than our own achievements.

7. Never say ‘if only’– God holds your life in his hand and he determines your times and seasons. There are no other roads you may have taken that may have been better than this one. You are on God’s journey and he holds your hand, he lights up your way and makes straight your path.

8. Hold on to LIFE with a capital L– it’s God’s gift to you. It may be messy at times, chaotic and crazy, but life is what you have and it’s the most beautiful present you will ever receive. So, plunge in and appreciate what you have and what you do, and the people around you, because they are all part of this gift. God has put each one in your life on purpose.

9. Fight like a girl warrior– fight for your family, fight for your mission, fight for what’s right! God has put fight in you, you are strong willed for His purposes, not for control, not for stubbornness, but so you may fight the good fight of faith! You will have to act in the presence of fear, not wait for it to go away.

  1. Keep dreaming– but with your feet firmly on the ground. Does that sound like a contradiction? Possibly, but dreams are meant to come to fruition, so put shape and plans to your dreams and never give up on them.

I pray that God’s love will overtake you, joy will flow from you, mercy will be your watchword and his grace will make you a truly gracious, remarkable woman.

What life lessons do you want your daughter or other women to remember?

Please leave a comment on this blog post, and let’s start the conversation!

Coaching as a Means of Growth

Coaching as a Means of Growth
Coaching as a Means of Growth

Coaching stimulates growth!

Think about your most valuable learning moments.

How did they happen?

Through a book, or a speaker when you were searching for an answer? At a time we are seeking change in our personal or professional lives coaching is a powerful tool to aid us in reaching our goal.

Coaching is a way of working with a leader that leaves her more competent and fulfilled, so she can contribute more to her calling.

Adults learn from solving their own problems, and applying this learning to their lives, which is why coaching with a person who desires growth is effective.

Leaders want growth, but they struggle with how to achieve it amidst the hurly burly of normal, busy life.

Christian leaders want to do God’s will in their lives and so fulfill their calling as Peter entreats: “therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall” (2 Peter 1:10 ESV).

A Christian coach can help a client to reach goals and keep growing with biblical understanding.

Transformation (The Purpose of Coaching)

 Transformation often takes place through significant events that happen in our lives. Christian coaching uses these events, which may be anything from discomfort to pure frustration in the workplace or our relationships.

To face the need for change the client must have freed up energy, and must pay attention to habits and practices needing transformation.

Mary Beth O’Neill says, “Coaches are colleagues to leaders at exactly those times when they may flinch-or fight back, or dig in, or any number of responses.

Coaches bring their unique relationship to the leader as a tool of growth.

The client is the subject and the object of the coaching conversation.

The coach brings skills including the courage to enter into powerful conversations. The coach endures the discomfort of the anxiety the client may feel at the topic in hand, while at the same time empathizing with the client, staying connected to her for the purpose of hearing her fully.

Coaches enable clients to move forward in their performance as a result of the transformation of their hearts.

A new heart generates a new behavior.

As the scriptures say, “the good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good ” (Luke 6:45 ESV).

The power of coaching lies in the heart posture of the Christian coach that is genuinely for the client.

Coaches should also ensure they have the necessary skills to help the client bring about new learning, reflection, realization and insight. Therein lies the power of coaching.

Seeing Gold Mines (The Possibilities in Coaching)

When we do not know what to make of circumstances beyond our control… “many of us are sitting on personal gold mines that a coach can enable us to reclaim for the fulfillment of our calling and destiny”(Joseph Umidi).

Transformation takes place through adversity. The boss we are clashing with, the person we cannot get through to, the colleague who brings out the worst in us- these are relationships that can serve to open our eyes to better ways of relating.

A Christian coach will know how this scripture applies:

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV).

The skilled coach, using listening skills, can create moments of connection for the client. The coach uses powerful questions to create conversations where epiphanies may occur.

Coaches ask questions such as:

  • If you had to state a purpose for your life, what would that be?
  • What options do you have for changing things?
  • What bothers you?
  • And what else? Tell me more.

This causes reflection the client might not normally pause to do, and may lead to the awakening of a hunger or a dream long forgotten and then the epiphany moment.

Transformation is something the client must do.

The coach does not rescue the client by taking on the client’s burden; rather the coach strengthens the leadership of the client by encouraging the leader to develop new skills and behaviors.

The Apostle Paul said: “But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load” (Gal 6:4-5 ESV).

Christian coaching follows the biblical pattern of leadership of each one taking full responsibility for his life and leadership.

As a coach can help you get to a goal quicker, so a coach can also draw out of you what is in your heart.

There is great benefit in Christian leaders receiving coaching for continued personal transformation.

Join the conversation on the power of coaching by sharing this with your friends and leaving a comment on the blog.